How to be polite with money in all respects
Parents bewail them, grandparents remember them and children appear to not have any of them. Manners. When confronted with a small army of cutlery at a fancy restaurant, what knife should you use? What wine glass for which wine? And should men open doors for women, or is that a faux par? Manners and etiquette have always been a battlefield, and some things don’t change. But what role should manners have when we’re talking about money?
Generally, money tends to be involved in all of the most awkward of situations. You need every scrap of manners training at your disposal to not betray emotion when you pick up the cheque yet again at the end of the meal. Jean Chatzky kicked off the discussion for NBC Money, and some of her tips have been used here.
How can we navigate the minefield that is Polite Money?
Loan or gift?
Probably the best way to navigate the quagmire that is ‘loaning’ money to family or friends is to know from the beginning whether the money is likely to be a loan or a gift. If you can’t afford to gift the money, then think seriously about not lending it or setting out a schedule of repayments. Casual loans can lead to a lot of bitterness, and if you think it could head that way, politely suggest to said friend that they ask someone else.
Tipping the balance
When you’re tight, dinner becomes a nightmare of money manners. You’ve gone out for dinner with all your friends, and ordered next to nothing because you’re skint. Yet, when the cheque comes, the bill (comprising 5 steaks and copious amount of beer) gets split evenly, leaving you hungry and out of pocket.
It’s a disaster, and often our pride won’t let us admit how little money we have. The only way to avoid anger or bitterness, however, is to discuss it beforehand. There’s no need to be heavy handed with it- just say you’re tight, and does anyone mind if we tally it according to what we order? It’s much more likely your friends just haven’t thought about it, and would be happy to do it that way. It’s worth noting that, should be flush, take account of the people around you and never create this kind of situation for your friends.
Would you like to know my bank balance too?
It’s always the way; you splurge on something and then have to relive the embarrassment of the money you spent over and over because people keep asking you how much it cost. Your money, and how you dispose of it, is really no one else’s business so just (politely and not in so many word) tell the interested to go stick their nose in someone else’s finances. It’s a etiquette boo-boo to ask how much an item cost, so don’t include it in your conversation arsenal.
Gift horses, mouths, and various other complaints
Your friend, a deeply generous person, gets you an incredibly nice gift and there’s no way you can match it. Don’t belittle the gift, and don’t mortgage your home to buy them a gift of equal value. Appreciate the gift and the thought behind it, send a thank you note and try and do something special (if not financially equal) for their next birthday. People buy gifts because they want to, appreciate the gift as such.
What money manners have you learnt over the years?
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