The Debt Affair: When Your Partner Is Hiding Debt

It must be a hard thing to do- to open up about your debt when you’re first establishing an important relationship. No one likes to admit their flaws and a big debt, especially one that is masking a further problem, can be an especially big admission. Sometimes we don’t admit it. Sometimes we get further and further mired into our debt that it becomes too huge a problem to acknowledge- something that can cripple a relationship and your financial security. So are there any signs that your partner is hiding a big debt, and what can you do if they are? An article inspired by MSN Money.

Fudged Facts

We often lie about money. Think about a dinner party or family gathering you’ve been to recently- someone starts talking about money, and you slant your own story in a way that gives it a better light. Not in a drastic way or as an overt lie, but just to soften it. The same if often true, even when finances are shared within a relationship. One in three Americans fudge the facts with their partner, though only 11% of respondents say that the lie was about their debt. More often it’s about exactly how much you spent on DVDs last week.

More Than A Debt?

Like a lot of things, a secret debt is likely to be not really about the money. It can be about an addiction or a byproduct of some personal problem or issue in the relationship/. The addiction scenario is not unusual- someone can’t admit they have a problem and use hidden sources of income and debts to mask it. Sometimes debt can come from an issue with esteem or a problem with stress- you buy something to make you feel better, then the debt spirals out of control. Experts suggest this can happen if a partner is felt to be too controlling, as a small matter of rebellion.

Off-Limits

A big warning sign of someone who is struggling with their finances, and might have unacknowledged debts, is if discussions of money are taboo. If your partner jumps down your throat every time you mention bills or your financial future, pay attention. If they dodge your questions about finances, then you would be justified in asking more.

Patterns

Paying attention to your partner’s spending patterns can be a good sign as well- do they spend money when you know they don’t have a flush funds at the time? Do they like picking up a bill without the income to back it up? Liz Weston suggests tht a huge sign is when new items turn up around the house but not on your credit card; it could be a sign of a secret card.

How To Know

It’s a good idea to ask for full disclosure at the beginning of the serious relationship, it will give you, at the least, an idea of how they deal with and approach money. After that, review bills, credit scores, mortgage repayments together. Watch your credit cards and saving accounts, and spend a month totalling all your receipts for an improved budget. If there’s something not adding up at the end of the month, ask some questions.

Related Posts

• 5 ways to hide money from your partner

  Hiding money from your partner is a complex business. Indeed, aspects of the practice might better be addressed by a relationship counselor, instead of a personal finance blogger whose most intense relationship is with her iPhone. Why you are trying to hide money from your partner is really none of my business. Sometimes it’s to [...]

• 5 Money Questions To Ask Your Partner

  Some aspects of relationships are essentially uncomfortable, like talking about money. But before you bust out the His and Hers Towels, here are 5 questions you need to ask your partner.

• How to avoid breaking up over money

  A lot of couples break up over money. Several reports point to money issues as the number one factor in divorces. It’s easy to understand why; money is a major factor of stress in everyday life, and that will translate into your relationship. The solution to the issue has a lot to do with communication, [...]

• Getting help with your Credit Card Debt

  Credit card debt can be crippling, it can create a lot of stress for young people, old people, couples and businesses. The debt on credit cards can rapidly increase, as most require you to pay a minimum amount – but if you can’t meet your minimum payments, they will slap a penalty onto the bill [...]

• How To Talk Finances With Your Partner or Spouse

  Talking about money and your finances is an important part of relationships. We explore how to talk money with your husband, wife, partner or general spouse. These tips could even help reduce the chance of an arguement.