The Big Lie: Financial Infidelity
I tend to tell the odd white lie about my finances. Sitting at the pub, I’ll keep to myself that I just spent my last five bucks on a glass of red. Or I’ll exaggerate my amazing saving tendencies. But lying to a partner about the state of my finances seems like a big bridge to cross. CNN Money ran an article recently about financial infidelity and the toll it can take. Here are some thoughts.
Running Rampant
Lying to your spouse about your finances is not a rare occurrence. According to a recent study, 31% of respondents admitted to being deceptive about money, and 34% of those respondents had flat-out lied about debt or income. It’s not hard to imagine how it could happen- a purchase that you’re embarrassed about gets hidden away. Or a credit card debt you just can’t get a handle on and are afraid to admit to. Other instances could come from a need for financial security of your own, hence hiding extra income from your partner. While it’s easy to see how it could happen, the toll on a relationship can be dire.
How To Avert Financial Infidelity
Come clean at the very beginning. If someone loves you and you are in an adult and trusting relationship, they’re either going to cope with your finances or not. It’s a tricky conversation, which is probably why we don’t have them. None of us want to admit we haven’t got it all together, especially to someone we’re hoping might stick around for a while. It’s one thing to talk about future plans and financial goals, but unless you are both honest about where you are placed financially, things could get tough later on. Debts or spending problems will have long-term effects and your partner has a right to know that they exist. A frank discussion early on in the piece can avoid all kinds of heartbreak.
Signs Of The Financially Unfaithful
People can naturally be pretty touchy about money issues, and that can stem from a lot of different places. But if someone jumps out of their skin every time you mention money, you’re not out of your mind to wonder why. Like so many points of relationships- moving in together, revealing you actually hate kung fu movies, busting out your old pajamas- knowing the point where financial discussion and disclosure should be on the cards is tricky. But if you’re partner is cagey with the details or changes the topic, you need to get some straightforward answers before you commit further. Other signs suggested in the article would be if your partner makes a big purchase without discussing it with you first. It might not seem like a massive deal at the time, but it may well do the next time it happens or the time after that. Similarly, finding bills you didn’t know about should ring a couple of alarm bells.
Good Credit
It’s suggested going through credit reports is a good way to see where the money is going, as a basic budgeting procedure, and whether each partner is on the same page when it comes to finances. This would be especially important at the point where one person takes on the majority of financial dealings. An openness about money will save the relationship serious strain.
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