How to stop fighting about money & start saving
Sitting on the young side of things, I can’t imagine how anyone can bring money into relationships. I argue with myself enough about money, I really can’t think how I could add someone else into that equation (although it might improve the funny looks I get on the street mid-argument).
Couples, relationships, money- it’s a cauldron of emotion. Moneywatch comes to the rescue with some tips and tricks as to how to stop fighting about money, and start fighting about what to watch on cable and who washed up last.
Come together, right now
Being in a relationship where one partner manages all financial dealings is going to lead to one partner left in the dark and oblivious to what’s happening with money. Pay your bills together, write checks together and keep each other up to date. If one person is more savvy than another, they should assist, not exclude the less savvy partner. No one wants to carry all that stress alone anyway.
Set realistic goals
Unrealistic goals breed only one thing- a sense of failure. Dreams are not unrealistic, there’s no need to shelve them all, but work out your dreams together and how best to achieve them. If you are both motivated for the same goal, it’s much more likely to happen.
Dynamics
Apparently it’s necessary to state that creating a ‘parent-child’ dynamic within a relationship is unhealthy. I would have thought that was a given. Just in case anyone is still wondering, creating a situation where one partner controls all the money and gives the partner an allowance is not great. You’re both adults, treat each other as such.
Think outside the box
Or about someone else for a change. This isn’t all about you, there’s a partner (and their consequential happiness) that you should potentially be adding into the equation. Understand your partner’s core values, and you’ll probably start to appreciate their take on the money situation a whole lot more.
Create limits
Spending sprees are fun when you have only yourself to account to, but when it’s not solely your money, you might want to consult your better half before you spend it. Establish what the limit is before you need to clear it with the family finances.
Stop time
Sometimes, it can be helpful (I’m told) to establish how long you are going to fight over a topic. It sounds totally opposite to the nature of a fight, but anyone who has been involved with a half-hour fight that’s get’s rephrased ten million times over the course of the evening and turns into an eight hour slog-fest would appreciate the need for time limits.
Switch sides
Your partner isn’t arguing their case just to annoy you. Argue it through internally from their point of view. Bloody mindedness isn’t getting anyone anywhere.
Automate
Take the fight out of your life. Automate your savings, automate your debt repayments. Avoid the need to discuss every financial move, every single time. There’s nothing to fight about if it all happens without you lifting a finger.
Be nice
After all, you’re meant to love this person. Appreciate their money style (and appreciate it was probably part of the reason you were attracted to them). Move to the middle, be gracious about their positives and think about admitting to a couple of your own flaws.
What tips do you have to help avoid money fights in relationships?
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