Estate Wars: How To Divide Your Parent’s Estate In Peace
Money does funny things to people. The most unlikely candidates- generous, sensible people- can sometimes become total strangers when it comes to money and nowhere is more fraught than dividing the estate of a deceased parent between children. And it doesn’t even necessarily have to be about money- it can be a prized possession, or not about the actual item at all. Any tension, especially about a perceived favoritism, is apt to blow up in those hard couple of months. Here are some tips and tricks, inspired by Liz Weston, about keeping things sensible and rational.
Parents Know Best
When I was about ten, my grandmother made me write down all the names of people in our family and stick them on the bottom of her figurines. It took hours- balancing those fragile figures, sticking on the names, discussing who would like what best. I thought it was kind of morbid at the time, but looking back, I can see how important it was. It means that no one can be upset as, even if there was something you wanted, what you were given was chosen for you. It eliminates squabbles, and gives the item a special value. The same can be said for the division of assets; in an ideal world, everything could be split down in equal shares. But sometimes it’s not possible; more money could have been given to one child in the past couple of years, or they could feel another child would require more for a genuine reason. The important thing that it is communicated- and not necessarily just verbal. Put it in writing, so it can’t be contested later on.
Carrot And Stick
Even if every item isn’t willed away by the parents, you could consider including a stipulation that if agreement can’t be reached, then it should be given to charity. Or if the children can’t agree, the item can be sold and the money earnt divided among the children. It might seem callous, but no more callous and cruel than a family feud.
Keep The Peace
Even in the absence of parental guidance, it’s a good idea to get it all out there before you start dealing with all the assets. Sit down and discuss how best to go about it, and make an agreement to keep the peace. The last thing your folks could have wanted would be any bitterness in their family about their assets. Work out a strategy that will work for you; maybe selling everything and dividing the assets is the best idea. Or holding a play auction, with every one being allocated an equal amount of ‘money’ and bidding on the items.
Kids Only
Of course your kids and partners have opinions and feelings about items, but at crunch time, they can’t be allowed in the arena. This has to be kept within the siblings, as real divisions will arise once other interests and agendas get involved. At the end of the day, you want something to remember your parents by, something to show your kids and tell stories about. You only need one thing for that. Much better to have a happy family BBQ full of reminiscence than lots of memories and no one to share them with.
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